Reviewing old xanga posts as I launch my new blog, cletomyheart.com —

What I’m looking for is where I was emotionally, spiritually, mentally as I transitioned from one life stage to the next (namely graduating and moving to a new city, Cleveland)

It’s almost like reading someone else’s life - I always forget how much has happened! It seems that the threads of “not running away” started in college…

Here is a post entitled “honored”:

I was angry about many things during my sophomore year here at the U of M, but I was particularly distraught with the the Asian American “black hole”. I felt that once I was “in” freshman year, there was no way out. I was doomed to know more and more Asians; I was fighting against gravity. Not only was I upset to see that the majority of my facebook friends were Asian, I felt that I couldn’t relate to the culture here (being a product of upstate NY culture). I was also frustrated with the level of APAthy in the community and the seemingly provincial views of the world, reflected in the lack of identity development and political involvement. Disillusionment would be the word to use here, and I wanted out real bad.

But two years later, God has graced me with patience and understanding. That sounds really trite, but it’s true—I have learned to meet people where they are, despite the fact that their ideas and views might tap my boiling point. I’ve learned to better love people, and to create change, propelled by the knowledge of true Justice (YHWH), by committing not to run away when things become inconvenient. I still have a long way to go, but I feel that throughout my four years of college, each year has brought me to a new level of understanding. For that, I’m thankful and I hope that I continue to grow.

I was caught off-guard when I found out that a few members of the A/PIA community nominated me for the Yuri Kochiyama Lifetime Achievement Award. (yes, “lifetime”. as my favorite snark Aileen said, “how do you already have lifetime achievement? so from here on out, everything that you do is just extra.” chuckle.) I don’t feel that the work I have done has been particularly substantial—all I have done is gone regularly to the United Asian American Organization meetings and events as a representative of CCF. I was surprised by the kind words submitted by the members in my community. Seriously, thanks. 

I only have 26 days left as a student at the University of Michigan. I am going to miss this place and these people so much, so much. To end with more sap and cheese, I will surely miss the people that I grew up with in my APIA community.